We have all seen the Matrix movies. I have occassionally had a “Matrix” weekend as I have had “Harry Potter”, “Indiana Jones”, “Mummy” and various series weekends. Weekends when the weather sucked to one degree or another, the money sucked, or I was just in one of those “I don’t give a shit” moods.

At a point in the movie, Neo comes up to a young boy and he is bending spoons with his mind. They are of course in the “Matrix”. The boy tells him to bend the spoon is not possible, what the truth is, there is NO spoon. Voila! Hey, there is no f__ing spoon.

In the course of our lives we all run up against things that scare the crap out of us.

“How am I gonna pay that bill?”

“How am I gonna get a job?”

“I’m too_____(put your own adjective in here)”

“It’s too hard.”

“It’ll never work.”

“I’ll fail.”

HEY!!! There is no f__ing spoon! Things will work if you believe they’ll work. Through my whole life this is the way it has been. If I need something and I just believe it will be ok, it always, without fail, is. If I get stuck  in the oh my’s, oh crap, what the hell am I gonna do. I not only feel like shit, things usually go like shit too.

The human mind is capable of some miraculous stuff. Examples being Van Gogh, Fleming, and Einstein. They are all amazing. For an all time “there is no spoon” winner, I would vote for Stephen Hawking. This is a man confined to a wheelchair for the last 40+ years who could give us all a run for our money. He knows the wheelchair has nothing whatever to do with his mind and has proved it time and again.

The point of this little ditty is once again I have set out to kick myself square in the ass when I knew I was kicking myself square in the ass and let it affect how I felt, what I was doing, and how I was living. (Note to self, “Hey shithead, there is no f__ing spoon!”)

It is hard, our day to day lives and that is true. That we are what we believe we are is also true. Sometimes it seems impossible to see that damn spoon in front of our eyes and say….”There is no spoon.”

That is however what we need to do. Things will be ok. Maybe not exactly what I want, but then I don’t always want what I should. Things, however, will be ok. Things will be as they should. The Universe in all it’s glory is far wiser and older than I am, and after all, “there is no spoon.”

I have a Dell Mini that I love and a Compaq Presario desktop that was really adequate. I needed something I could kick butt with and get stuff done. I went to the Dell site.

You have to know a few things about me to understand what I needed. I am not a gamer. However I do love to do websites. I have at times had Dreamweaver, Photoshop, Word, and five browsers open all at the same time. My mini is great for working off site or on the run. It’s a bummer, however to keep pulling up the taps to open an application I am working on. My Compaq handled the multiple programs ok, but was god awful slow. It only has a Sempron 3200+ 1.8 GHz, processor. Which is actually slower that the atom in my Mini Dell. It also only has an 80gb hard drive and I had 75.5 on it. I needed a change.

First I decided how much I wanted to spend to completely overhaul my work environment, $2500 max. Then I set out to find what I needed.

First I went to Dell, as I said. I decided on their Studio 17. I got the i5 processor, 500gb hard drive, the best wifi card they had, bluetooth, backlit keyboard. After I got it home, I got a second flat screen monitor so I could use duel monitors with it. I have actually used three by using the HDMI as well as the VGA. It works great. I got the whole thing, plus the second monitor for <$2000.This is how it came together.

I still found however I was going to the desktop a lot.I thought about getting a new desktop, I really did. Instead, I upgraded the one I have. This is what I did.

I have the AmberineM-GL6E motherboard. So I looked into all the stuff it could be upgraded to. First I bought new ram; 4gb, $100. This was important cause I made sure all the chips were the same. I installed the memory and got a touch of speed for it. I have a Wacom Cintiq 15x, it had a DVI output. Okay, I bought 2 new video cards ($100 for both) a GeForce FX 5200 and a 5500. The 5200 has 2 VGA outputs and the 5500 has a VGA and a DVI. I hooked the Wacom up to the 5500 and the two Compaq FS7600’s I have to the 5200. So now I have three monitors and a touch of speed.

This is what it looks like. I was still lacking space, as in storage. I bought a Western Digital hard drive from www.archmemory.com at 250gb it is more than enough and at <$60.00 the price was right. I didn’t realize till it arrived, I had no SATA cables. So I jumped into Ebay again and bought 2, for the huge price of $3.00. Putting a new hard drive in a Presario SR1603WM is slightly on par with a root canal. There are excellent directions at the HP/Compaq site here

http://h10025.www1.hp.com/ewfrf/wc/document?docname=c00639864&tmp_task=useCategory&lc=en&dlc=en&cc=ca&lang=en&product=1118242

I got the Hard drive in, formatted, named and in use. The monitors are a treat and worked even better than I had thought. I’m a techno junkie too, I wanted more. I did a lot of research and reading and haunted some of the forums to find out what was good and what sucked like Hoover. I found that this motherboard could utilize and AMD 64 X2 4800 socket 939 processor. OOHH I love Ebay. I found that processor with the original copper tubing heat sink and fan for $199.00. I looked everywhere and never found a better deal. Bought it, got it.

I was getting ready to install this beauty and thought I really should check my power supply. Good thing. I only had a 250w single fan PSU. Okay, back to Ebay…Again!

I got a Linksis 550w, dual fan, NIB for <$40.00. It is not top of the line; but it got good reviews across the net and was not listed in the do not buy, is junk, sites.

I installed the power supply before the processor. While I had stuff out of the case. I cleaned things, getting rid of dust goblins and all sorts of unidentified gunk. Machines run better when you keep them clean.

I feel the need to speak a bit on memory, tri-monitors and the whole bit. This upgraded, five year old desktop now flies. It’s fast, it’s sweet, it lets me work till I am almost cross-eyed. This is my final five monitor, two computer setup. In case you can’t see it, we are currently doing a bit of work. Fixing some roof problems and putting up new ceilings. This is just a temporary location till the work is done. I think you get the idea though.

When I booted up the Compaq after doing all this work, it ran fine, looks good, the monitors are great. My mouse goes 3<-1->2 which is the set up, the center monitor (Wacom) being my primary. I checked the system properties and it said I had 2.75gb of usable ram and I installed 4gb. Freaked me out. Thought I did something wrong. Thank the universe for Google. I hunted and looked and read and here is what I found. You system allocates a certain amount of memory for different applications. The fact that I now had 2 video cards with 512mg memory each meant the system was keeping some memory for those and a chunk for the processor too. A bit for each drive, I have three so there you have it. 2.75gb is perfectly respectable for what I have.

This will never be a “super” computer. It does however allow me to do all the stuff I need to do without moving more than to rotate my chair. If you think the Matrix screen saver is kool, I do; I got it from http://www.kellysoftware.com please tell him you saw it here. I don’t get anything for this, it’s not any kind of affiliate. Just a fellow web junkie and I like to see them get credit where it is due.

All in all this is how the whole thing boiled down.

Dell Studio 17 w/ i5 processor + 17″ Acer secondary monitor <$1900.00

Upgrades for Presario SR1603WM desk top

Processor, Sempron 3200 to AMD 64×2 4800 $199.00

Memory, 1280mg assorted chips to 4gb matched chips $88.00

Video, Onboard ATI to NiVidia GeForce Fx cards, 1-5200 and 1-5500 both $94.00

PSU, 250x ATX to 550w ATX $40.00

Hard Drive, OEM 80gb + WD 250gb SATA, total 330gb $60.00

SATA cables $3.00

TOTAL spent for up grade $484.00

Total for entire work set up, $2384.00, well under budget

This is a fairly easy upgrade. If you’re comfortable with getting inside a computer. You have to remember a few simple things. I never open a case with the power on. Some people do, but I worked in the industry and built PWA’s (computer boards) for seventeen years. Never put paper in a computer or let your hair hang over the parts. Keep it clean, keep it dry, keep it cool. I know people who treat a computer like they treat their cars. Turn it on and go. If it doesn’t, get a new one. Every time someone throws a computer away(without good cause, a lot of parts can be recycled and reused), they add to our ever growing “refuse” problem. I am a super fan of recycling and will get every single bit of use from this system I can.

This week I discovered Amazon’s Kindle for PC. I have to tell you, I think I am addicted. I carry a netbook with me a lot. Mainly because I am never sure exactly where I’ll be when I need to do some work, school or otherwise. Or have an idea for a really neat article and want to get it on at least a notepad file if not a word document. I have a bit of arthritis in my fingers and typing is much easier for me at this time than writing by hand.

Unfortunately, like the book freak I am, I put the application on my regular laptop and my desktop too. Note to self….Self,

you need to work when at your desk, not read Harry Dresden or Jane Austen or all those lovely Scifi books and stories you now have on these machines. Girl, you need to work. Okay, so you can read on breaks and at lunch, after you finish all those web pages that need your attention. Now go.

Self is not happy. Self is a geek, a book worm for over fifty years and does not give up easily. Self is going to get her ass kicked for not getting stuff done.

I read everything, books, magazines, blogs, articles. I don’t feel the need to have fancy fonts or colors, black on white is good works fine and my ‘puters will magnify stuff big enough I don’t have any problems with it. I have read a lot of reviews where people don’t like not having pretty fonts and colors, come on now, get real…how many books do you read that uses a Script text in dark blue on a pink page?( a bit extreme here, but you get the point) Books I buy are usually standard, black on white, something similar to a Times Roman in size 12pt.

Do I like the feel of a book? You betcha. Do I need to have a thousand or more volumes taking up space in my home? Nada. I have relegated all my classics and older books to the Kindle app. I have discovered too that I can type out anything I want, send it to my kindle site, they convert it and send it back to my email and I can put it in my kindle library. I do not type anywhere near as fast as I read, but it is food for thought.

I can also make notes in the Kindle app after highlighting a section. I am always loosing something I want to check on, some fact or other and then can’t find the damn thing. The notes make it easy for me to find what I need. I have a folder on all my computers called “Odd Shit”. I keep all the bits and pieces of stuff I don’t put anywhere else. Like ancient languages, impact craters, weird definitions; you see my point. I frequently read something, think “I need to look that up” and then have to thumb through the entire book to find it again. I notice on the Kindle, I highlight and make the note instantaneously, so I miss nothing.

Amazon has thousands of Kindle books. I paid less than a dollar for a lot of them, but stuff like Jane Austen, I got for free. I bought Jim butcher’s “Changes” for 12.99. I wanted to get a new book to check it out. I was not disappointed. I read it in one day, only getting up to go potty, eat and do those mundane things that have to be done every day.

Changes is 488 pages and is only in hardcover at this time, it weighs 1.4 lbs and Amazon sells it for 10.99. Borders sell it for 24.99. At Amazon you pay shipping unless your order is over $25. In the long run, I think I got a bargain. It was delivered to my account in less than 5 minutes. It weighs nothing..nada. I now have it on all three of my computers. Reading it was easy, the words flowed and I was a very happy camper, lost in the world of Harry Dresden.

Do I recommend Kindle for PC for everyone? It depends. I always carry the net  book, so carrying a Kindle too would just suck. My bag is already too heavy. If you carry your laptop or netbook everywhere it is very useful, just one less piece of equipment to carry. If you don’t then I would suggest an actual Kindle. The idea itself is great. I did a few e-books in pdf form, sent them to free kindle.com; had them converted  and sent to my email in the kindle format, just to see how it went. It worked fine. I also sent a lecture document to see how it did. No problems. So I see if I had the kindle itself it would work well.

It’s not perfect. Then and again, nothing is. It is however a very neat thing to use. I will have to make sure I don’t get too involved and break my personal bank.

I love Wordpress. It is the first thing I ever used when I got my first site. Some of those first sites were, well less than perfect. I am going to keep using WP here so I can just jump on, do my thing, and jump off. In the mean time, I am working towards learning how to develop my own themes, but that is down the road for a while.

For first time, “I wanna have a website” people, I can’t recommend WP enough. It’s easy, fun and you can get absolutely tons of themes for free. Open it up, go to dashboard, type in your shit (it even checks your spelling-rambling digits rejoice), preview, then hit post. It’s gone, it’s done and you can get on with whatever floats your boat.

It doesn’t matter if your 16, 21, or 91; anyone can use it. If you don’t want to go with a hosting company, you can use Wordpress.com and it is free. Like all freebies it is a bit limited. You can’t do all the things you can if you’re hosted by a third party, but not everyone wants to get into the guts (data files) of their site. My favorite thing in the whole world is knowing how things work, but that is just me. I am a “boomer” which is enough on its own, but a woman as well. I grew up when a “working woman” was a nurse or secretary. At a time where I wanted to be a navigator, pilot, or navy mechanic.

Things have changed. My daughters can do anything they want, be anything they want. Here I sit, still wanting to know how things work, and finding out; I might add.

So my rambling mind says get back on track. Wordpress is fairly simple to use. If you’re using a hosting company (I use Godaddy) then you have to know a few things. If you find a free theme you want to use,

#! you download it.

#2 it shows up in your downloads as a zip file.

#3 you need to unzip it, (click on file and extract) I always keep a folder for Wordpress and delete the zip file as soon as I have the extracted file.

#4 go to your hosting site, I go to mine and click in manage site, content and get the ftp client up.

#5 copy the wordpress file from your computer to the theme section of your site.

It should be noted you have to have the Wordpress application installed on your site. Godaddy is fairly easy, they have a page for “My applications” where you can install all sorts of free stuff. I have used different BBS, Wordpress, and photo applications, I still have not used everything they have, but am working through them to see how it works.

If you are a first time user, I would suggest the www.wordpress.com site. It’s free and will give you a taste of what is out there, you may get hooked, or you may just figure its enough.

I got started with the Yahoo small business site. I had a lot of fun with it, in the end I let it go. It did not have the easy concise directions I needed. I truly hate directions that are written where the author expects everyone to have a college degree or instructions that come off as if the author’s native language is not the one they are written in. Give me a step by step and I am in hog heaven.

I tried lots of stuff. I love programming and seeing something I have personally built means a lot to me. I still keep this site as Wordpress so I can try different themes and things I find.

This month is NaNoWriMo….National Novel Writing Month. What the hell does this have to do whith delicious..Ab-so-lute-ly fricking nothing.

I had to take a break, scratch that, I needed desparately to take a break. I have been up till three am every morning, and back at the keyboard by nine. I am quite sure I am writing absolute shit; but for the first time in a very long time, I am writing again.

I am going to give up the ghost, quite literally I am afraid. I have been writing about a character for over fifteen years…yep that is right. Fifteen goddamn years. I have never got the story down in one piece, cause I keep loosing my way. I am going to get it down, put it on a jump drive and forget about the damned thing. After this long, I need to move on to something fresher. She’ll forgive me, I think.

Today, for shits and giggles, I decided to read some blogs, get out of my shit begotten mind, and into somebody else.  It helps, you know, to go away for a while. Read somebody’s stuff. Get loved, bored, born, killed, fucked….whatever the case may be. I am not trying to shock anyone, though in my present state of mind….shock would be good. I am just stating a facts as they appear to me.

I don’t read horror often and have to read Stephen King in the light of the day, in sunshine, with a crucifix, garlic, silver, and lots of other mystical charms protecting my sorry ass. I believe in the bogeyman. There are days when I have been intimately acquainted with him….I call him “self editor.”

I only read romances, occasionally. The ones I do read tend to be in the Sookie Stackhouse, Bella Swan variety. I like my romance with a little bite, my bite with a little blood, and the whole thing intertwined with understated bits of humor.

Today I have been reading Stephen Parolini, and I have an editorial name for bogeyman. He is however not MY bogeyman. He has a serious case of sharp wit, and I enjoy reading him. He calls himself the Novel Doctor. You can find him at http://www.noveldoctor.com

Visit, I think you’ll have a good time. You might even learn something. I had to seriously get up and check the state of the chair I was sitting in after he talked about cutting a 200,000 word novel down to 120,000 word. My chest hurts and I think I’m on the verge of a heart attack. I am a putter inner. If I write something at 1000 words I will re-write to 1500 words, it’s just my way. It’s also why there is nothing in your local bookstore with my name on it.

I am going to go back to my shit stuff now, break time is over and I gots some serious writing to do. Thanks doc, I WILL try to do better (when donkeys fly, darling)

I am stuck in that goopy, sludgy, totally stupid time of unemployment. I am going to school. Sorta. Online, cause my freakin hearing eliminates me from audio lectures. I feel more of a burden than a gift. I feel so damned depressed I spend more time on my ass than anyone has any right to.

The only thing left to do is write. So I’ll do school stuff, not because I have to, but because I love learning new stuff. I am sick of watching tv. Have watched every dvd I own at least five times, some more. Have read every book I own, many times over and an freakin bored out of my skull.

The only thing left to do is write. So I will write 175 pages, 50,000 words in the month of November. Most of it will be shit. Shit is a condition I am well acquainted with. I am debating which way to turn. Supernatural, romantic, adventure, crime, or “real life”. Not that it really matters.

The only thing left is to write. I look at all the things I HAVE written and occasionally I say to myself, “Damn I like that. I would pay money for that.” Then the editor-on-my-back gets in a snit and I loose it. The most enjoyable thing in my life and I have a bitch of a time giving myself permission to do it. It ranks right up there with chocolate, booze, and sex.

The only thing left is to write. I figure it’s my, “If it ain’t for money, it’s a waste of time.” thing. It’s not, not really. If I can get myself off my self-conflagration, not good enough for shit list; maybe I could really do something. The first person who utters the words “Get a job.” is going to die a horrible, painful death. Totally licked to death by a phantom cat…with rabies.

This is just me, on a Monday morning…taking out the trash. Cause writing it is the only way I know how.

Death by any other Name

Chapter One

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He could be honest in this respect. He had seen a lot of women before.

Her name was Mina Jackson; he got that from the registrar’s office. He had seen her several times from a distance, crossing the quad. Walking was something she did with a grace he hadn’t believed was possible. Today she was wearing a bright red sweater that set off the raven black of her hair. Even from so far away; he could taste her on his mind.

Joe Walsh leaned against the tree and watched as Mina walked past. He was looking down at the ground when something thumped him in the shoulder. He looked up into the tree and saw skinny white legs hanging off the lowest branch.

“Talk to her, idiot.” The whisper drifted down; followed immediately by six feet of woman with platinum hair and violet eyes.

“I don’t know how, Rowan.” He sighed.

“It’s easy…” you say “Hi! My name is Joe.”

“Give it a rest, it is not that easy.”

“Yeh, yeh, yeh so says the big bad wolf.”

He reached out then and tried to grab her. She did and impossible looking back flip and was out of his way.

“Dammit! Rowan.”

“Sure, like someone heard me. Are you coming to my match later?”

“Just what I need? Exactly who are you massacring today?”

“Just some hot shot senior who has a (wooooo) black belt in some obscure martial art.”

“Someday you are going to meet someone better.”

“Been there, done that; Shigata doesn’t compete any more. I think he is probably the only one on the planet good enough to kick my ass.”

“Fine! You lead and I’ll follow.”

Rowan Michaels laughed then, and started across the lawn. “As usual.” She said, under her breath.
“I heard that.” Joe yelled, and then took off after her.

“Knew you would.” She replied and lengthened her stride to stay ahead of him.

They both burst though the doors of the gymnasium together, leaning over and huffing slightly and laughing.

“I’ll beat you yet.” Joe grinned at her and went to the bleachers.

“Not today, old man.” She teased as she went to get dressed.

This wasn’t a formal tournament, just fun. Several of the students here at USC were proficient in different arts and it was their habit to have a hands-on practice every Saturday afternoon. This was Rowan’s favorite exercise and Joe’s favorite spectator sport.

Today there were a few new faces. Word gets around and Rowan was good enough she always had some jock from somewhere else trying to clean her clock. It had become a favorite pastime and more than one of her close friends had made money on her.

The thing is, Rowan looks delicate, fragile. The fact she had been training in an assortment of martial arts since she could walk was not apparent by her exterior. People underestimated her. It is a good thing she has the honor of a Samurai, the patience of a saint, and the sense of humor of stand-up comedian. In any less capable hands, her skill would be deadly.

Today as she walked up to the ring, she saw someone she knew. Vincent Nateland was waiting in the center. He was wearing a shabby gi, one that she knew he had had for years. She also knew if he was wearing it, he was serious.

She stepped up to him and bowed slightly,

“Vince.”

“Rowan.”

“Thought I had a different match today. Some one named Matt.”

“You do. Humor me. I need exercise.”

She stood and looked at him. He was her oldest and closest friend. Being the youngest students at the University, they had several of the same classes. Rowan was studying medicine while Vince was studying cybernetics, they both had archeology together. Though Vince was not in the same league as Rowan, they sparred quite often and knew each others movements well.

It started easy, a little Kung Fu, some JuJitsu. Then Vince started to pick up the pace. He put her through every form he knew, knowing all the while, she knew them better than he. It took thirty minutes before she finally got the drop on him. She used an old move straight out of Southern Shaolin and got inside his defenses. This time when he got up, he held his hands out in front of him.

“That was incredibly sneaky.” He said. Then he laughed.

“Left your self wide open. Sorry.”

“I’m not. That was great. Got you warmed up for Mr. (I have a black belt) Matt.”

“We’ll see.” She answered.

It hadn’t escaped her notice that a tall, bulky man of somewhere around twenty or so was watching her match. She picked up a towel and turned her back to him to talk to Vince.

“Were you trying to scare him?”

“Not really. I do think that idiots should be given a chance to back out.”

“You don’t think much of him?”

“He cheats, he’s over confidant, and doesn’t think there’s a woman in the world as good as he is.”

“So?”

“So I thought it only fair to give him a demo, before you got at him.”

“Fine….I think.”

She turned then and faced her new opponent. Matt Sheldon was six feet four and weighed in at two hundred and forty pounds. Not an ounce of it fat. They looked like a terribly mis-matched pair. Rowan was six feet tall but so impossibly thin she was lucky on a good day if she topped a buck sixty, soaking wet.

They bowed to each other and stood off at opposite edges. Matt took a tiger stance and snapped a left hook at Rowan’s head. It wasn’t there. He tried a sweep and she just danced out of his way. She stood off with her left side to him and waited. He came like a truck and at the last moment, dropped his shoulder and caught her in the midsection.

He expected her to fly outside the ring; she flipped a little to the left and landed crouched on the mat.

“I don’t play football.” She told him.

“Too bad. Looks like you could use some new moves.”

The next move he tried was still the linebacker sort of crap that every big bulky human tries on someone they think is softer or easier.

This time Rowan caught him on the jaw and dropped him on the mat. She leaned over him and whispered.

“Said I didn’t play football. Never said I didn’t know how.”

His reaction was anger. He reached up and grabbed her hair and was fixing to drive her face into his knee, when she just wasn’t there anymore.

He looked around and she was standing a few feet away, winding her hair up in a knot.

“That was not nice.” She smiled.

Matt Sheldon was not used to being second to anyone. His family was well off and had sent him to every kind of lesson or training he was interested in. No girl was going to get the best of him. Matt didn’t know how wrong he was. Rowan Michaels was a girl. She was only seventeen, yet she would graduate with her MD this year. She also had been studying martial arts since she was a year old. Sixteen years was a lot of learning and her teacher, Shigata was not only a well renowned master but a member of her family.

Matt stood up a faced her. Rowan could tell that if it didn’t end quickly, it would end badly. She waited calmly for him, watched his face go through several expressions then as he came at her, side stepped and punched him squarely on the chest. She softened the blow at the last minute so she wouldn’t kill him, but he still went down like a stone.

She stood there and looked down at him. She hated bullies, and she had the impression that what Matt Sheldon was. She wondered if he had a reputation for picking on little kids in school. She shook her head and walked away. Matt Sheldon was no longer her problem.

Chapter 2

After she showered and changed, Rowan met Joe, Vince, Lily Ryan, and Michael Hawk at Severn’s Place.

Severn’s Place was a local hangout that students went to that didn’t much care for Mickey D’s or KFC. Severn’s was cheap and good. Students could come and study, eat, shoot pool or just hang out. There was always music and dancing when the mood struck.

Tonight, Severn’s was jumping. There was a band up on the stage and the air was think with steak, onions, and bbq sauce. It was a great place to relax in. Rowan was just sitting down; Vince had ordered her a Coke, when one of the band members came over.

“Rowan.”

She looked up from the table and smiled, “Hey Jake. How’s it going?”

“Mason’s sick. Can you play with us for a bit?”

Rowan looked around the table. All her friends knew that next to fighting, music was her second love.

“Go, Row.” Joe told her.

“In a minute Jake, Ok?”

“Sure, when you’re ready.”

Rowan sat there and scanned the crowd; she was looking for some one in particular. Finally, the door opened and Mina walked in. The change in the room was immediate. Men openly gawked, women tended to draw inwards and Joe? The look on Joe’s face was worth everything.

“Excuse me.” Rowan spoke to the table in general, “I’ll be back.”

Mina stood just inside the door. She wasn’t sure that this wasn’t a bad idea; but Rowan had asked, so she had come.

Rowan walked through the crowded room and stood in front of Mina. ”You came.”

“You asked.” Mina looked around the room, for a moment, Rowan though she might bolt. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled like sapphires.

“I want you to meet some friends of mine.”

Mina followed Rowan back to the table. Every man looked at the two women and every woman frowned. Rowan sat her next to Joe. Joe looked at her with a pained look in his eyes. “Row?” he started.

“I going to play, you all get acquainted.” She left them and went to the band stand.

Rowan closed her eyes and let the music flow. She liked playing with Jake and his group. Tonight she was playing drums, but more often she played bass. Tonight Jake started out with Van Morrison’s Wild Night and it only got better from there, when they broke at nine, Rowan’s hair was soaked and her face flushed from exertion.

She went back to the table and sat down between Vince and Mina.

As soon as Rowan sat, a waitress brought her food. Rowan was never much on subtleties and when she ate, she ate. When she had finished, she stacked the plate and silverware for the waitress and turned to her friends.

“I take you all have been getting acquainted?”

Mina flushed scarlet red and Joe looked out the window. “Sort of.” She murmured.

Rowan looked from one to the other; she had known them both for a long time. Though Mina could easily pass for twenty or twenty-one, Rowan knew she was older, much older. Joe? Well Joe was older than he looked too.

“You know I have had enough of you two.” She said, pushing her chair out, she stood up.

“Mina you have wanted to talk to Joseph here for as long as I’ve known you. Joe you are just as bad. She walks into a room and you just about loose it. The two of you need to get your shit together. I am about to loose my patience.”

“Rowan, don’t.” Joe pleaded.

“Please, don’t” Mina added.

“Don’t what? This is how it is. I love you both. Have known you both almost as long as I have known everyone else at this table. The only person I would fight harder for is Vince. So here goes. Miss Mina Jackson, I would like you to me Miss Lily Ryan, Lily is a witch and could seriously turn you into any number of humble critters, I would like you to meet Michael Hawk. Hawk is the last shaman of his tribe and I don’t think thunder and lightning are beyond him, I would like you to meet Vincent Nateland, Vince turn it on for Mina. Mina looked at Vince and his skin began to shimmer an iridescent purple and his eyes changed from blue to silver. Vince is what you might refer to as an elf. Now to the last two, Miss Mina (vampire) Jackson, I would like you to meet Joseph (werewolf) Walsh.

Mina and Joe just stared at each other. Then they laughed, and then they took turns hugging Rowan.

“Not that that is done; I’m going to go play bass.” Rowan slipped from them and walked back to the stage.

At the table, people looked at each other. “Vince, you knew?” Joe asked.

“Not all of it.” He told them, “But yeh, most of it.”

They quieted as Rowan stepped up to the mic with the guitar in her hands. Her voice was clear and soothing, it flowed around and through. Making everyone feel just a little better, a little saner. Her fingers worked the strings and she coaxed sounds that normally only came from classical guitar. Vince looked at her friends.

“You’re privileged tonight.” He told them “This is Rowan’s magic and very few people ever get to hear it. “Course he neglected to tell them that Rowan was also from a long line of Fae though technically she was a technomage. Her magic was an empathic thing that affected those around her.

Later as they sat around and talked Mina looked at Rowan, “How did you wind up with all of us?”

“You mean me the “human” in the bunch?”

“Exactly.”

“Well number one, I’m a shifter. I shadow walk. Number two my family is what most humans would call fairy and I, “ she paused and bowed to her friends . “I am a technomage.”

Joe looked at her, “I didn’t think there were very many shifters out there and fairy….for real.”

Rowan shrugged, “There aren’t, maybe a couple of dozen. Hawk shifts, so does Lily and Hawk’s brother Lone Wolf.”

Mina shook her head, “What are the odds? A vamp, a were, an elf and three shifters; in the same place, at the same time. Not to mention the fairy thing or the magic. Really? I mean come on.”

“Slim.” Rowan told her, “Now I’ve got to ask, do any of you know any Guardians?”

Rowan looked at all their faces. No one really looked surprised at the question. It also seemed no one wanted to go first.

“I opened this can of worms, so I guess I’ll go first. Any one but me know Phoenix, Charlie, or Morgan.? Nedra, Ankorak?”

Mina raised her hand a bit, “I know Charlie, I met her in France, 1789.”

Joe nodded too “I know Morgan, I met her in England 1576.”

The others around the table looked at the two. Rowan sniffed at Joe, “Old man.” She whispered. “I have met all three. Phena, Phoenix’s mother is my grandmother.”

Vince nodded, “Me too. All three. Over different times and places.”

Lily looked on, then sighed. “My mother is Morgan’s daughter.”

Michael looked at them all them grinned, “Nope don’t know them at all…….but my grandmother is Isis and she and Phena and Charday are sisters.”

So none of us a really human because we are all apart of the Guardians.

These are the first six, over years they expand to become twelve. We ARE “the Weird Bunch.”

Along Came….

The car slid off the wall, then bounced off the railing. By the way it was flying, I knew it was going to be a really bad day. It wasn’t my intention to be north bound in the way of a south bound hunk of steel moving slightly less than the speed of light and aiming for my head,face,and other parts of anatomy I wanted to keep intact. I had about two seconds warning, closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and opened the door. Everything slowed down, moved slightly sideways and stopped.

I got out of the rental and walked over and pulled a woman and two kids from a Detroit’s finest that was about to become scrap. Time resumed and a screeching sound of breaking glass and metal filled the air. The children sat on the road and cried, their mother shivering and shaking.

“You’re okay.”

A tearful face looked up at me, then at the wreck on the asphalt.

“We were dead. Something broke, the steering, something.” she gasped. “I knew it, are we dead?”

“No ma’am.” I told her. “You’re fine, you’re all fine.”

She shook her head, then took the wailing kids in her arms. “I don’t understand.” she whispered against the hair of the oldest. “You did something.”

I couldn’t tell her. She wouldn’t understand how a shifter had saved their lives. A slight movement through the Shadow World, a place where time has no meaning.

Most people lived their daily lives side by side with the supernatural and never saw it. Most people didn’t want to see it. They simply moved on with their lives, confident that on this small world, man was the dominant species. They’re wrong.

Right at that moment I just wanted some food and sleep. Shifting that fast used an enormous amount of energy, it left me feeling slightly more human than a limp noodle. Then the Highway Patrol showed up.

Three hours later I was still downtown. Still hungry and getting tired enough I had laid my head down on the desk when the officer had left the room, just to rest my eyes, of course. I woke up to a steaming cup of coffee and a ham sandwich.

“Heaven.” I sighed. “I have died and gone to heaven.” I then proceeded to devour the sandwich. No grace, no manners. Just shove food into face please. I felt a whole lot better.

The officer sitting across the room from me was on the high side of thirty and I guessed he was probably a career guy. You know, the kind with 2.3 kids, a stay at home wife, house in the burbs. Football in the fall, baseball in the summer, bowling with the PD team. An all around average joe. Who was asking me some mighty embarrassing questions.

“The lady says you saved their lives.” he smiled.

I smiled back, mouth full of bread and ham. I picked up the cup and washed it all down. “She does?”

“Yes ma’am. She does. I’ve seen a lot of wrecks in the last twenty years. Can’t figure out how you all walked away from that one, Ms. Nateland”

“But we did.”

“Yeh, you did.”

“Any more questions?”

“Guess not. No one was hurt. No charges are pending.”

“I can go?”

“Yes, you can.” he said. “Ms. Nateland, try to be more careful in the future.”

“Sure, Sergeant.” I smiled again. “No problem.”

I left him there and walked out into the hallway. I looked back through the glass in the door and watched as he picked up the folder. I held my right hand in front of my left and moved the nails down to my palm, mumbling under my breath. Everything that came in touch with the pictures I had handled would now be blurred, out of focus, including the people that touched them. Three months from now, no one would be able to remember the exact details, only the general facts of the crash. Two cars, four survivors. I hummed to myself and walked out of the building.

I should have taken the warning. When things start out that bad usually they get worse before they get better. I know. Thirty years of the R half of R&V Enterprises should be enough to tell anyone. But they were okay. The woman, Marilyn Yeager and her two kids, Jason and Milly. Even if I had know the rest of the day was going to be a pisser, I would have done that way. mainly for the look on their faces

I pulled out my cell phone and called my other half, Vince to let him know I’d be late. PC answered the phone.

“Rowan, Vincent has gone to Michael’s he asked you to divert and meet him there.” PC is an AI, an artificial intelligence. Vince and I had built her back in our college days. When life was simple and the worse thing we usually had to worry about was who was going to buy the beer on Saturday night.

“Have you re-scheduled my flight?”

“You leave in one hour from O’Hare, straight through to Toronto. Phoenix, Matt and Emily are en route.”

“Lily?”

“Not good but she’s stable.”

The cab I had called from the station arrived and as I told the driver to take me to the airport, I looked up at the sky. For a moment I considered using “alternate” transportation and just as quickly rejected it. If Lily had been in dangerous condition I would have done it, but using Shadow World for personal things wasn’t just not nice, it was unethical.

So I got on the 747 and flew. At that moment I would have loved to be able to fly on my own.The Lear being in Nashville and me NOT being of Faerie heritage, I would just have to suffer. Okay, so I was in first class, champagne and etc, etc, I didn’t suffer…..Much.

I used my time to think about Lily. The rest of the Weird Bunch too. Lily is a true witch, a mage. Her magic far surpasses anyone I’ve ever met, including my sister, Amber. Between the two of them, they probably hold at least sixty percent of the magic on the planet. She was a gentle soul, who fought every day to protect others from the darkness that lived and breathed around us.

Someone or something had hurt Lily. I hadn’t heard all the details, but something strong enough to get past all her wards and shields gave me pause to think.

I didn’t know much that could. One of the elder Guardians, or elder Guides, maybe. Seth, maybe. Or Nedra or Ankorak. None of whom would ever hurt one of us. So what else was out there? Michael said he had picked up something in the last month or two he didn’t understand. Something that had kicked his ass out of Shadow world, twice. I’m not sure I could do that. Okay, maybe I could, if I cheated.

I’m no light weight either. None of us are. There are two full blooded were shifters; a tiger and a dragon. A Faery. a Vampire, an Elf, an Empath, a full Guardian, a dead guy, and three, count them, three mages. A witch, a shaman, and a wizard. That doesn’t include myself, technomage and PC, the AI. That’s twelve biologics and an AI. Not a shabby team, and seven of them are shifters. Someone who can walk in both worlds. So what is strong enough to get past a magic threshold and shields and wards. I was getting a massive headache, still needed sleep.

My dreams were filled with terror, death and rage. I woke up in a cold sweat as the plane was getting ready to land in Toronto. Physically I had slept. Mentally, I was a wreck. I called a cab and gave the driver directions to Rivermoor.

Fast Forward

August 24th, 79 AD

Chapter One

The mountain was coming down, she could feel the rumbling deep within it’s bowels.

“We have to go Severus, it is time.”

The dark haired man looked at the clouds of fire as they belched from the mountain’s summit.

“Where?” he asked. “Where can we escape from this nightmare?”

“You must trust me, my love.” she told him. “We must go.”

Hurriedly they climbed the opposite face, away from the lava that was starting to move down the eastern slope. He carried a child in each arm and the oldest on his shoulders. Through the smoke and heat he followed his wife, two more children clung to her as she moved swiftly over the rocks.

“Hurry!” she yelled and then stepped into the clearing near the summit. He looked to her, then looked again, something was descending from the clouds. He started to turn as she caught his arm. “Trust ME!!” she yelled into his frightened mind, closing his eyes he followed her into the darkness that opened before them.

There were others, several men, three women. They clustered around him and took the frightened children from his arms.

“It’s good.” his wife told him. “It is alright.” Then she led him down a corridor and into a small room.

“Where are we, Phena? What is this place?”

“I know you do not understand,” she told him. “These people are my family. They came to take me home.”

“What home? Our home is gone.” The realization suddenly washed over him. “They’re all gone.” he whispered and slid down the wall.

She stood near him and watched the emotions play over his features. Sighing she turned and left the room.

A tall black woman met her in the hall.

“Isis.” she nodded.

“Phena. It’s been a long time.” The taller woman stepped up and hugged the other. She glanced back into the room. “He’s in shock, sister. He’ll be ok.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. Come with me, get changed, a bath, some food. Cartre will tend to Severus for you.”

Phena followed her sister down the passageway into a larger chamber. As she entered the lights came on and another woman rose from a seat near the window. “Mother.” Phena whispered and went to hug her.

Nedra turned and watched as her elder daughter came towards her. She looked tired, she had scrapes on her arms and legs, her face was covered in grime.

“We couldn’t get here any faster.” she told the weeping woman in her arms. “I’m sorry.”

“They wouldn’t listen, mother.” Phena told her. “I tried to tell them the moutain was going to erupt, they wouldn’t listen.”

“They never do child. When will you learn? It is their destiny. It’s their way. In the last thousand years, have you ever gotten anyone to listen. Anyone that did not love you?”

“No.” she said as she laid her fingers against the window.”Not one, not ever.”

“I don’t understand you, child. You find love in the strangest place. Always somewhere just begging for a natural disaster. It would be easier if you would choose some place that is plain and stable.”

“Like that little country in the eastern ocean that was so very peaceful, just before that chunk of rock came out of space and buried the whole region.”

“You saved a lot of people there,” her mother replied. “We’ve given them a new home in the eastern hemisphere. They’ll be happy there.”

“I know, I know. Why did you and father stay here? You could have left.”

“Your father is my other half, Phena. You know we are of different races, from different worlds. At one time we had planned on returning to Malor. Raising you all there till you went out on your own.”

“What changed your mind?”

“You, your brothers and sisters are the first of your kind, until you were born we weren’t even sure Malorians and Sardians could have offspring and when we were isolated here on this world we came to see that it’s a good place for you to be.”

“Jesup went back to Sardia, Carlid went to Malor. Why am I still here?”

“Do you wish to go offworld now?”

“I’m not sure mom, I’m tired. I’ve watched so many people die. We don’t, why?”

“You know the answer to that, why do you ask now? Do you think anything has changed?”

“Maybe I’m just hoping.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. Someone to love forever, like you and dad I guess.”

“It’s not the same, you know that.”

“Yes, I know. The elder dna.” she answered. “Why just you and Dad? There must be others.”

“I’m sure there are. Drakians maybe.”

“UUGH, lizards, eecchh to the nth.”

“You are prejudiced.” her mother laughed.

“Sorry, I just am not sure I can relate to someone who is covered with scales.”

Nedra reached out and ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair, “How do you think others relate to this?”

The hair moved around her, touching her. “It’s not scales, Mom. People just think its hair.”

“And when it moves and changes color?”

“Most don’t notice and I keep it wrapped up a lot.”

“We know. That caused a lot of problems too.”

“I swear Medusa was not my idea nor my fault.”

“That’s not fair, Mom.” Isis interjected. “I didn’t like it much when I got that goddess bit because of my eyes either.”

“Kids!!”

“Hey! I could be day and you can be night.” Phena told her sister.

“Been there, done that.” Isis laughed. “I have to get back, we’ll be home soon.”

Phena watched as Isis left the room. “You’d better see to your husband.” her mother told her. “You have a lot to explain.”

When Darkness Calls

Michael Hawk sat up in the bed with a jerk. “Dammit.” The sheets were soaked with sweat. Looking at his hands, in the dim light, he saw them shake. He dropped his head on his forearms and sighed. Grabbing the notebook on the nightstand, he started to write.

“He was running down a dark hallway. At least he thought it was a hallway. He
wasn’t sure. There was something in the darkness. Something terrible. He ran
and ran. The sweat dripped off him. He tripped, and he woke up”

It had been the same. Tonight he had seen a glimmer. A feeling of color at the
end of the “hallway”. The color had been red. The color of blood. He stood up
and walked down the hall to the bathroom. He thought about going to his
father’s or his brother’s, but he knew neither of them were home. Staring at his face in the mirror, for just a second, a stranger stared back.

He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. He’d already talked to Jason.
He was the one that had Michael writing down what he remembered. He closed his eyes and breathed. Deeply. He wished his father, brother, Rowan, or Phoenix were here. Maybe one of them could help him.

He went back to his room and opened the dresser drawer. Reaching in, he
touched the silk. Pulling the jacket from the darkness, the golden fabric
shimmered with a life of it’s own. He held the cloth to his face and
breathed in the fragrance. It still smelled like sage.

As he slipped the jacket over his shoulders and tied the sash, in his mind he
could hear the drums. Softly he walked downstairs and out onto the deck. He
closed his eyes and let himself remember Jimmy Blue Eagle, and the day he had taken him home. He listened to his heart and heard the drums on the wind.

Sitting on the deck, he crossed his legs and looked up into the sky. Closing
his eyes, he breathed slowly until the only thing in the world was his
breath. The world disappeared and he walked in fog.

He walked along and looked for his guide, Belinda. In the year since Phoenix
had left, he’d become quite fond of the little girl. They had become friends.
It still amazed him, this place. He had, however grown to accept it as a part of
his life. One of the things in his destiny. He stood and called, “Linny.”

Very slowly, a form took shape in front of him. He smiled as he recognized
her. Belinda. She walked to him. Taking his hand in hers, she drew him with
her.

As they mounted the stairs to the great hall, he saw it. The darkness. It
boiled and seethed. It raged. He tried to pull back, but she wouldn’t let him
go. It was like a caged beast. It roared above him and reached out for him.
*It’s time to wake the hell up.* he thought.

Belinda pulled him down to her. “That” she whispered, “Is William Grey Eagle.”

As Michael watched, the blackness became form. It laughed at him, “Who are
you, human?” it asked.

Belinda hid behind him.”He is very angry.” she said.

*No shit* Michael thought. To the enity that had been Grey Eagle he said “I am
Michael Grey Hawk.”

“I did not call you,” it said. “I wait for the other one.”

“Well you got me. I’m here.” Michael answered.

The laughter echoed around him, “What can you, a mortal do to help one such as I?” it asked.

Michael sat down on the floor and looked up at the blackness. Now that his
nightmare had both a face and a name, it ceased to frighten him.

“You tell me.” Michael said.

The blackness oozed around him. “I am called ’skinwalker’. Do you know what
that means?”

Michael smiled to himself and then turned to Lone Wolf, “Boogieman?” he asked.

Grey Eagle raged around him, it was like sitting in the middle of a tornado.
But Michael just sat calmly. “When you’re done with all the bullshit,” he said.
“We’ll talk.”

Finally the whirlwind stopped and a man-form came and sat next to him. Michael gazed at him. He was Native American, maybe fifty or so. His long black hair, touched the floor. “You are the true form,” Michael asked “Of William Grey Eagle?”

The apparition nodded it’s head, “I am.”

“Good, you’re really being a pain in the ass, you know?”
The figure nodded its head, and then looked at the end of the hallway. Michael had never noticed the warm red glow before. But then, he didn’t usually have to sit here and talk to a pissed off spirit, either.

“They won’t let me in.” it said.

Michael looked at the red glow, and then at the column of light behind them, then shook his head, “I doubt if they’d let me in either.”

He turned to that that had been Grey Eagle. “Are you just now learning the
results of your life?”

Grey Eagle hung his head. “I thought my magic would make me all powerful.
Thought I would be like a king in this world.”

“And?” prompted Michael.

“They want me to go back,” he gestured to the silvery column rising from
the floor.

Michael sighed and looked at Grey Eagle, “Look you have another chance. Everyone does. But most don’t realize it. You’re going to keep going back till you get it right.”

“Right? But what about hell. The demons. All that.” the spirit moaned.

Shaking his head, Michael smiled. “Nope, no such thing. Sooner or later, you
just “grow up.” Then you get to enter there.” And he pointed over his
shoulder to the column of red.

“Dammit, I don’t want to be human again.” Grey Eagle told him.

“I can see your point. Being human is hard work. But it’s the only way.”

“Shit,” said Grey Eagle. “I won’t remember, will I?”

“Nope.” said Michael. “The beauty of this plan is we all start fresh.”

“And my power?” it asked.

“Not real, just illusion.”

William Grey Eagle stood and looked at the light in the center of the hall. “Till I get it right?” he asked, looking down at Michael.

Michael shrugged his shoulders. “Yeh.”

“You didn’t have to help me.” William said.

“Yes, I did. It’s what I do.”

He watched as Grey Eagle walked to the column of light, turning to Michael he
said, “I wish I could remember you….after.” Then stepping into the light,
he was gone.

Michael looked up and the end of the great hall faded away to indistinct fog.
He sighed and looked around for Belinda.

Peeking out from behind him, she smiled up into his face. “Why didn’t you
call me?” he asked.

“I tried, Michael.” she said. “But he was so angry, and so strong.”

Michael smiled down at her and watched as she faded away. He opened his eyes and found himself back on the deck. Alone.

Standing up, he smiled. Sometimes the answer is so simple. He had been
looking in the wrong place all the time. The nightmare had simply been a call
for help. *Maybe I should keep that line open * he thought, and went
back to bed.